Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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