He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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