the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
