you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
You are a genius and a whore.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
