These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
foreskin is a definite game changer
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
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