I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
this hospital has no fireball
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
