i permit you to call me
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
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