Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
