I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Randomize
