Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
