your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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