So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
