Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
