im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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