I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
