You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
did you just send me my own nude
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
