I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
In other news, I just burned my penis
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
