His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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