i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
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