I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
