we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize
