..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
