Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
