my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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