If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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