So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
