Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
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