I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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