I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
Randomize
