What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize