don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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