I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
