the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
