For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
