He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
