it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
false alarm. still invincible.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
