Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
