Tell her she can't have a vagina
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
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