I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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