He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
It's official drugs can't kill me
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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