Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
