just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize