it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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