As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
