ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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