Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Found your dick twin last night
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
