don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
True strength comes from lack of pants
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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