Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
