He had one of those small greek statue penises
people are starting to question the shark bite story
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
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