I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
