You can't motorboat a personality
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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