I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Randomize
