I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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