After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
