Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Randomize
