I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
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