I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
