Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
