my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
my shit smells like andre
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
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