tell your sister to shave her snatch
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
