you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
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