Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
did i walk over a car last night?
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
