in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
