Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Randomize
