I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
