Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
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