the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
