I accidentally had phone sex last night
Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
