i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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