Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
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