yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Randomize
