oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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